Make your own free website on Tripod.com

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Julius Caesar: Gallus in tres partes divisa est.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Frank Perdue: I bred the finest chicken I know how, and it can cross the road if it wants to. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Pauline Hanson: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working Australian.

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road.
And there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Leslie Fish: It was a government conspiracy.

Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Richard M.. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather: "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

The Pope: That is only for God to know.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your chequebook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed it, I've not been told!

The Tuchux: Huh?

Rolling Thunder: To PLAY THE DRUMS!

The Rialto: We cannot give you the Rialto's answer, as the argument is still raging [after seven years] between the pro-BoD / anti-BoD pro-Creative / anti-Creative pro-Rapier / anti-Rapier pro-Chivalry / anti-Chivalry pro-Arts Contest / anti-Arts Contest pro-Kings / anti-Kings pro-Corpora / anti-Corpora pro-fealty / anti-fealty pro-SuperAuthentic / anti-SuperAuthentic factions ..... and those persons who are terminally enraged that they were not consulted at the founding of the SCA to make sure it was done right [even though they were in diapers at the time] are still in a snit about the whole chicken thing ......

The BoD: We're sorry, but we discussed this matter in closed session and we won't give you that information. We did get a lot of letters about it, though. We ignored the ones that disagreed with us.

The Dark Horde: Why are you asking us about the chicken? It was not our chicken. We were never in the area, and have no knowledge of any chicken either at that time or now. Do not look in our stewpot on the other side of the road. There is no chicken in there. Forget you saw us. This is not the chicken you are looking for. We were never here.

WE ARE THE DARK HORDE

Go back to the Horde page!